As part of the 12 Days of Clink Street Christmas blog tour I’ve agreed to share an extract from Matthew Redford’s Who Killed The Mince Spy?; I’ve just posted a review of the book, so go an have a read of that if you want to know more.
“Taken from Chapter 7, DI Willie Wortel is knee-deep in the case and still no closer to catching the culprit, here he encounters his colleague Dorothy just before he’s surprised by an unwelcome visit from his boss, Chief SuperIntendent Archibald”
It is difficult to describe that strange sensation, that feeling you sometimes get in the pit of your stomach, when you just know something is wrong. Wortel had that feeling. It was there when he awoke. It stayed with him while he showered. It never left as he had breakfast, all the while dodging his son Jack’s attempts to hit him with spoonfuls of muesli that he didn’t want to eat – not that Wortel blamed him.
As he drove to work the feeling began to intensify. Something was amiss.He ran through the events of last night.
Snow White was in hospital with a couple of cracked ribs, a cut to her head and a fat lip. When he called the hospital this morning they had said there was nothing to be concerned about as she would soon would soon be the fairest of them all again in around four to six weeks. Five of the six dwarf cabbages were allowed back home while Sleepy was arrested for dangerous driving.
Rudolph was sleeping it off in a cell back at the station, and between rude Christmas songs he was being given lots of black coffee. Apparently his latest ditty had proven to be quite popular at the station and was doing the rounds. Much to Wortel’s surprise he too was humming it as he drove to work.
“Chests and Nuts roasting on an open fire
Nudists please put on some clothes
‘cos things could get rather dire
At your age, dangly bits hang down to your toes.”
“Arriving at work he visited the canteen, purchased his morning coffee and took a sip. Nope. That didn’t make him feel any better. And when he saw Dorothy loitering outside the Food Related Crime office with a stern look upon her face he could feel the knot in his stomach tighten even more.”
Who Killed The Mince Spy?
Tenacious carrot, detective inspector Willie Wortell is back to reveal the deviously delicious mind behind the crime of the festive season in this hugely entertaining, and utterly unconventional, short story.
When Mitchell the Mince Spy is horrifically murdered by being over baked in a fan oven, it falls to the Food Related Crime team to investigate this heinous act. Why was Mitchell killed? Who is the mysterious man with a long white beard and why does he carry a syringe? Why is it that the death of a mince spy smells so good?
Detective Inspector Willie Wortel, the best food sapiens police officer, once again leads his team into a series of crazy escapades. Supported by his able homo sapiens sergeant Dorothy Knox and his less able fruit officers Oranges and Lemons, they encounter Snow White and the seven dwarf cabbages as well as having a run in with the food sapiens secret service, MI GasMark5.
With a thigh slap here, and a thigh slap there, the team know Christmas is coming as the upper classes are acting strangely – why else would there be lords a leaping, ladies dancing and maids a milking?
And if that wasn’t enough, the Government Minister for the Department of Fisheries, Agriculture and Rural Trade (DAFaRT) has only gone and given the turkeys a vote on whether they are for or against Christmas.
Let the madness begin!
This short story by Matthew Redford follows his deliciously irreverent debut Addicted To Death (Clink Street Publishing, 2015).
About Matthew Redford
Born in 1980, Matthew Redford grew up with his parents and elder brother on a council
estate in Bermondsey, south-east London. He now lives in Longfield, Kent, takes masochistic pleasure in watching his favourite football team snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, is a keen chess player and is planning future food related crime novels. To counterbalance the quirkiness of his crime fiction Redford is an accountant. His unconventional debut crime thriller, Addicted to Death: A Food Related Crime
Investigation was published by Clink Street Publishing last summer.
Website – http://www.matthewredford.com/
Twitter – https://twitter.com/matthew_redford