Hey, I’m back with an update.
No, I’m not back on an even keel yet but I’m getting closer. I’m still generally tearful and lack interest in things but I have made a few steps towards recovery, temporary as it may be.
I started on a new embroidery project on Wednesday afternoon. My favourite material shop in Cleethorpes has moved into larger premises, so on my way home from the job interview on Wednesday I went for a visit and treat myself to a metre of green cotton material and some variegated green thread. I was going to do a pattern I have done before of a stag and doe in a forest, for a friend, but I can’t find the pattern. So I’m sewing a woodland scene instead. It’s supposed to be a winter scene, but with tweaking I can represent the four seasons. It’ll keep me busy.
That’s by the by, I really wanted to tell you about my little victory with my doctor. The last few times I’ve been to the doctor because my depression was bad I was pretty much told to just get on with life. This time I got a junior doctor, still in training, who actually listened to me. I spent almost an hour with him, and have an appointment for next week so that he can keep an eye on my progress. I managed to convince the doctor of something the other doctors wouldn’t believe: the medication I have been on for most of the last five years doesn’t work anymore, and hasn’t for some months. I am now on another drug that will help with my anxiety as well as my depression.
I took it for the first time today. It’s another SSRI and I didn’t like the list of reported side-effects but I have to try something.
I also went to Open Minds today to self-refer at the doctor’s request; Open Minds is the mental health branch of the local health care provision. I’m having my first appointment next Tuesday morning. The doctor thinks the anxiety which keeps me awake and doesn’t let me switch off my brain is a learnt behaviour and therefore with help I can unlearn it. I’ve tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) before. It didn’t help much but I’m willing to give it another go.
When I saw my doctor on Thursday he asked me about the thoughts that went through my head when I can’t sleep, about my history of anxiety and if there were any specific triggers. He thinks I’m hard on myself, and that I have a general anxiety. Interestingly something came up that had never been mentioned before; I’ve always had a touch of anxiety and depression, but it was only when I went to university that it started to become obvious to other people.
In other news, I haven’t heard yet from my employer about Monday’s events, so I’m going to write to the local MP. I know I promised to write about what happened – and I have got a draft post ready – but I need to get things started on the MP front and I don’t want to jeopardize my case. I’m going to run the post past a couple of people to check over, and give my former employer another week to acknowledge they have acted badly, then I’ll publish the post if I don’t hear anything and it won’t damage my case with the MP. I’m currently gathering relevant information for the letter to my MP, including any legislation that may have been bent, twisted or broken by the employer in their treatment of me.
In less depressing news, I’ve started assignment 2 of my writing course and am looking at reader’s letters and fillers in magazines and newspapers. It never occurred to me to work out the average word count of reader’s letters before. They’re very short in some cases.
I’m a bit down because I’m still out of work, and I’m going to struggle to get benefits, so things are worrying me. Tonight I’m tired though because I didn’t sleep too well last night and I’ve been walking all over the place today to get things started. I might actually sleep tonight.