So, I mentioned earlier that I’m a little anxious about moving on Thursday. I rang my sister this afternoon and am now feeling better about it.
Unfortunately, ignorance has thrown me for a loop. I want to cry. It’s ridiculous.
I happened to mention to my Mum’s partner that I’d had a phone call yesterday from a job I applied for a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t get the job but they asked whether I’d be interested in a production job, on the production line. Mum’s partner happens to be in the same line of work; I thought he’d like to know the company was hiring.
A few minutes later I was anxious about how I was getting a washing machine and a fridge-freezer, you know non-essential but important appliances. Mum’s partner said “Take the production job then.”
Now, I tried to explain that I can’t because factory work triggers my depression. Or, my last two cycles have been caused by the conditions in production work. Trying to explain that, and that I risked becoming very ill again if I worked in a factory again was met with “Well my job isn’t great. Sometimes I feel like topping myself” in a jocular tone.
I give up. How do I get across the difference between “My job’s crappy and I don’t like it.” and “This job has sent/will send me so far into the darkness there’s a chance I won’t come out again.”? This person has been a part of my family for three years. He has seen me struggle through the last few years of depression and yet he still seems to think it’s just a case of not liking the job and being a bit down.
I can’t deal with that. Not again. We’ve only just got across to my Dad that it’s not a viable option for me to get factory work again because of its detrimental effect on my mental health. (Thanks Dad and Helen 🙂 ) I can’t deal with it all over again. It’s bad enough strangers being ignorant, but I shouldn’t have to deal with this from family.
It’s really thrown me. One stupid comment.
I’m trying to pull myself out of this funk but I’m struggling. I’ve made myself a lovely, healthy tea, watched a couple of episodes of a favourite programme, done some writing. And I still feel like hell.
I want to cry. I might do that. It might help.
Bye for now,
[Edit: had a cry, feeling a little better. Going to watch QI.]