Here’s the thing, sometimes I have difficulty separating fantasy from reality. And
I forget what I’ve actually told someone and what I’ve thought ‘oh I must tell such and such about that’. I live in my own head most of the time and always have done.
That can cause problems at times. Because I don’t always know what I’ve said aloud and what is just internal monologue/conversation with the voices in my head/dreams, I sometimes think I’ve told people things when I haven’t, or that I know someone better than I actually do. It confuses people; they think I’m a bit weird. Which fair enough, I am. But everyone’s weird in their own way, and I don’t believe for one second that other people don’t do the same thing.
An offshoot of this mental confusion has an effect on my writing. Sometimes I have dreams in which a plot, complete scenes, events, characters, worlds are built. And then I wake up and think ‘did my brain come up with that, or did I read it somewhere and now, for some reason I’m dreaming about it?’
I desperately want to write the ideas down, but what if it turned out I had read them somewhere else? I’d feel awful if I plagiarized someone’s original idea. So, I’m left with an uneasy feeling of guilt. If I did come up with a story myself, surely I have a duty to write it down, to try to make something of it even if it’s just practice, and if I didn’t then where the hell did I get it from? Who do I credit?
I can’t be the only writer who has these confusions, or am I really weird?