The Confusion Monkey strikes again!

I was supposed to be working today. The permanent Sensory QA is on holiday, I’m covering a few days. Except, someone didn’t know this, or more correctly the precise details, and asked one of the minions to cover.

On the cold, and slightly damp ride home I decided that the Technical department had a Confusion Monkey hiding among the files. It’s a bit like the Lab Elf at my last job. I shall tell you about the Confusion Monkey; gather round children.


Confusion Monkey sits on the shelf watching people busily going about their work and then throws himself off the shelf and on to a passing managers head. Thus causing chaos. When sufficient insanity has ensued he gets bored and climbs on to another shelf to await some other unfortunate.

This is the subspecies known as the Industrial Confusion Monkey. It’s habitat is the office, factory and plant. It’s responsible for all those misconceptions, bad communication, and the inevitable waste resulting from people not knowing what they’re actually supposed to be doing because the plan has been changed. Repeatedly.

The Domestic Confusion Monkey’s preferred roost is the cupboard. Any cupboard will do; the airing cupboard is quite popular though for its warmth, layers of spare bedding and towels in which to make a nest and it’s unexpectedness. Nobody expects to get a bout of confusion while grabbing a clean flannel. Kitchen cupboards are a close second, but only as a temporary retreat. Plenty of food, and passing trade, but not a lot of room to get comfortable.

The Domestic Confusion Monkey specialises in causing disputes in homes, obviously. They like to cause generational disputes, spousal disharmony (e.g. Who’s turn is it to empty the bins?’) and all those fun little arguments that make any family it’s own perfect little hell.

The Institutional Confusion Monkey has as it’s home schools, council offices, governments (Westminster has its own particularly virulent subspecies), and hospitals. Basically anywhere that is run for the citizenry. The less said about the cock-ups caused by this particular beast, the better.

To date there is only one known deterrent to the endemic Confusion Monkey subspecies mentioned above: clear communication and the application of reason.

In other words, talk to each other you idiots!

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