For some people people that means sleeping late, shopping and hobbies (going out with friends counts as a hobby) or spending precious time with the family. Except some of us work shifts or weekends. Which makes it difficult to have regularly scheduled hobbies.
My weekends are spent at work, except on my rare trips away for gigs. When I come home from work I sleep, eat and then sleep some more. Since I spend my week days reviewing books and writing stories it sometimes feels like I don’t have time off at all. Even when I go away for a few days I take my laptop with me to get a bit of work done.
I’m not complaining; I love reviewing, all those books about so many different subjects, and I like helping independent writers, if they are good at their craft, because good books are important and we all need help sometimes. I like writing for Toni at Everything Books and Authors, she’s really supportive and it’s a big confidence boost seeing my reviews on someone else’s page. I love writing my stories even if nobody else gets to see them and I love writing this blog, reading other people’s ideas, commenting and being part of the blogging community.
But, I am tired.
It’s not so bad in the summer, but this time of year I get sick really easily, so I have less energy. Today I was able to spend 3 hours reading a book and then writing the review; I’m too exhausted from doing basic chores – shopping, cooking etc to do any more today. A month ago I’d have been hard at work, after tea, writing.
It’s cold, dark and wet, I’ve got a cold that is two weeks old and won’t go away. I have no clue how I’m going to survive work this weekend because all I want to do is sleep. And when I’m this worn out I get depressed and anxious much more easily. At this moment in time I’m torn between bawling my eyes out, or trying to sleep and hope I feel better at five tomorrow morning when I have to go to work.
Sometimes I just want to stop. Just for a day or two.
The only problem is I don’t know how to.
I hate being inactive. Even when I spend the day hiding in my room I’m reading or writing because that’s where I keep most if my books, and at least twenty notebooks. My brain rarely shuts up or off. I force myself to turn my phone off and get some work done. Which is great for productivity, crap for resting. I feel like I’m wasting my life unless I’m constantly working. I spent this afternoon – after shopping, cooking etc – laid on the settee with my dogs, half napping/half watching Star Trek (the first of the J.J.Abrams films). I felt restless and lazy even though I, physically and mentally, had no energy and couldn’t have concentrated enough to work any way.
What I came online to say was that I hope everyone has a good weekend whether they are off or at work. I have no clue where the rest of this post came from – probably the same place my early morning Facebook angst yesterday came from (unless I know you in the non-digital world this won’t mean anything) – the darkest recesses of my sick mind.
So, have a great weekend everyone, I’ll be back next week and with any luck some of my mental balance might have returned.